Bizarroludwig

Misnomer

Thu, 21 Sep 2006 14:28:59 GMT

wretch – noun 1. a deplorably unfortunate or unhappy person.
2. a person of despicable or base character.

I am bemused to have been labelled such by virtue of my income level.

Haha...not just unfortunate, but deplorably unfortunate!!

Okay, but...that's the last straw...

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 18:44:36 GMT

HYPOTHETICALLY SPEAKING, of course:

How insulted would you be by a .388% raise? Things to keep in mind are:

a) you make crap already, this is a control and a given

b) you are ridiculously important to the organization for which you work and your productivity exceeds that of the 3+ people previously in your area for years and years put together

c) your boss quite clearly implied 1/10/06, during the absolute busiest time of year when said productivity was staying ahead of aforementioned multiple persons' productivity of years past, that a raise was being discussed to reward and recognize (gasp!) your hard work

d) the institution by which you are employed has alotted (budgeted) a standard 4% ('cost-of-living', riiight...) raise for all employees, to be adjusted by individual departments at their discretion.

e) oh yeah, you work for the government - shut up and be fucking mediocre like everyone expects and like you're obviously being paid to be

I think you'd probably just set the building on fire.

Victory. Is. Mine.

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 16:22:29 GMT

Who's going to Las Vegas, you ask???

I'M GOIN' TO FREAKIN' VEGAS, BABY!!!!

HOO-ah!!!!

Cha-ching!

Fri, 18 Feb 2005 14:16:46 GMT

Heh...I have now 'won stuff on the radio' twice in my life. Last time, I wasn't able to claim and use the movie tickets due to some complication relating to not having a car and high school and whatever.

This time I'm totally freakin' seeing Christopher Titus's stand-up show in Atlanta!!!!!!!

Ahem. This is too cool for school. I took an extra quick shower this morning when I heard they were going to have him on the air in 5 minutes (as I was about to hop in)...this is actually pretty noteworthy because this is a small Athens (and beyond) station with some very talented, funny personalities, most notably Kris Harris.

Kris had a great interview/BS session with Titus and even got to indulge in some fun drag racing camaraderie, both of them being short track enthusiasts. It was a good time and a good reason to delay putting on clothes!

Tournament pic

Tue, 08 Feb 2005 21:19:56 GMT

Feel free to check out a terrible picture of my badass team of poolplayers. We were one of 3 Athens teams that showed 65 Atlanta teams what's up by all getting to the round of 16. We were the last to survive and were one game away from the championship match (and $800-1600 instead of $400) when we were put out and took 3rd place.

Click on 3rd Place 8 Ball: 8 IN THE SIDE POCKET

This was taken at the end of a long day/night/weekend...

Top row, from left: Rick Thompson, Mike Leggett, Robin Crenshaw
Middle:Sean Weeks, Mark Van Leeuwen, Evan Lilly-Team Captain(aka bizarroludwig)
Front: Keith Thompson

A picture for you

Tue, 20 Apr 2004 14:31:14 GMT

Just because.

West Virginia kin. Yard up towards the road. I was somehow just not surprised.

:)

Turn, damn you!

Fri, 23 Jan 2004 15:55:10 GMT

I was driving to work this morning when I encountered the worst thing you can encounter on the way to work: A JACKASS!

These are the people who have the right of way to turn left onto a freeway entrance, because you're rolling up to a yield sign praying that they'll hurry up and go...and then they decide...to...creep...through...the...light...because...you might decide to stand on the gas and ruin their shit like they deserve!

But of course you never do! What's wrong with you?

Fri, 23 Jan 2004 14:33:55 GMT

~~visgoth~~

taken aback...not one of those terms you apply to yourself very often (at least I don't, anyway)

I imagine and sincerely hope that this is a temporary state of affairs.

Heh. Once again, it hath been a minute since my last appearance. I'm proud to be a 'low-maintenance lj friend'...I'm always here, though, commenting or just reading.

Tue, 23 Dec 2003 14:39:33 GMT

I wonder if it would be an exaggeration to say that I love this man: Anyone who has an emotional bond with McDonald's, or anyone who can relate anything they love about life to a company that sells deep fried processed chicken meat should be stabbed in the face.

I'm not so sure.

If you haven't, you have to visit and enjoy, and ultimately have your shit ruined by The Best Page In The Universe.

You're an Asshole!

Thu, 18 Dec 2003 15:43:03 GMT

Okay, so I first read this online quite awhile back, but it has since been shared with me by my brother, and we both still get a good laugh whenever we appropriately make the phone gesture (hand to ear) and say "You're an Asshole!" and I've pretty much decided that this is the funniest thing that I've ever come across online, I wanted to read it again, and I wanted to share it, just in case you missed it:

I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number, and dialed it. A man answered saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "Could I please speak with Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number, and called her. (I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number).

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" And hung up. I wrote his number down, with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the caller ID program?" he yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

So, one day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some boy in a black BMW flipped me offand pulled into the spot I had patiently waiting for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole too. I dialed and someone said, "Hello?" I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car is parked right out front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. But after several
months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.

So, I came up with an idea: I called Asshole #1.

"Hello"
"You're an asshole!" (but I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Asshole, I live at! 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house with my black Beemer parked in front.
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."
Then I called asshole # 2:
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello Asshole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm
coming over right now."

Then, I hung up, and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then, I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on West 34th Street. I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St.

There, I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of
6 squad cars, a police helicopter and news crew.

Now, I feel better.

hehehehahahahahahahAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. i love it

Heh (at least 5th time I've used "heh" in a subject...)

Tue, 09 Dec 2003 21:21:35 GMT

I was just noticing the drop-down box that remembers subject lines...I quite possibly have every one I've ever used (since this PC came under my oversight, anyway...).

I love having absolutely no idea what the context was for some of these, others I just like the sound of out of context:

<---- has bad sense of humor?
...yeeeahh... (a la "Office Space")
< chomp >
2 pence, 4 pence, 6 pence, a peso... (a la "Zorro, the Gay Blade")
after implants
And wouldn't it be a kick in the rubber parts... (a la "Torch Song Trilogy")
Call me Captain Ludwig!
Curse you!
Ever watch Talk Radio? (I meant News Radio, not the movie...heh...)
Frighteningly similar...'cept you're gay...heh...
in-between-booby traps?
Left Behind 3: The Soich For More Money (nod to Mel Brooks)
mmm...yeeeah... (there it is again...)
Moose problems...
Mutant?
Nah, spot the ring, dude...
No comment, but: (heh)
previous comment deleted for stupidity in word choice
retracting "no comment" (ha! I knew it!)
very possibly a sissy shock...

I would love to be able to copy and paste the whole list (it's long), because there are just so many hilarious duplicates and derivitaves of basic stuff I say all the time...I have successfully amused myself...

Tue, 09 Dec 2003 19:09:02 GMT

I'm amused, now and then, by the words of a 'friend', that are offered in iambic pent.
For some reason today, I join'd the fray, and began to partake in this bent.
Though I'm no level_head in these waters I tread, I'm willing to say I'm not bad.
This homage is to he and condensed it will be; a vict'ry last night was not had.

On the table we faced the team that was first place, when we bested them Championship match.
But last night was to be mostly ignominy, a single win out of five did we catch.
For my part, I was beat, cleanly knocked off my feet, by a wizened old guy who's no showoff.
Only two weeks remain, and fourth place seems ordained; the wild card our sole hope for the playoffs.

Mon, 08 Dec 2003 19:05:02 GMT

Okay, so I wasn't there. In fact, I've never been faced with a crazy guy with a sword , and the theoretical duty of subduing and/or detaining such a person.

But fourteen shots? AND wounding your partner twice (well, potentially killing once and wounding once, rather; yes, that's much better)?

Heh, and the mayor...yeah, well, I guess he couldn't just come out and say, "hey, watch your asses, 'cause even if war's not happening here, one of our guys just might pop a cap in yo ass while he's shooting at his partner." I guess that's the un-spun version.

Thu, 04 Dec 2003 21:09:17 GMT

Where is the global outrage?

The United States begins to publicly consider taking actions continually threatened unanimously by the entire U.N. Security Council for years (actions in answer to both proven and perceived threat) and months of premature protest and rabid punditry ensue.

China's Communist government ~~threatens~~ promises war if Taiwan seeks independence, using outlandish language unrivaled by any nation (the United States included) short of North Korea and no one but U.S. politicians (those warmongers!) are to be heard in opposition.

Please tell me there's some opposition with which I am not familiar.

Don't point that thing at me!

Thu, 04 Dec 2003 20:17:06 GMT

I'm having trouble finding information...how embarassing...

And I just might be scarred from all the lovely pics of male underwear models (or should I say OXEN) I've been subjected to in my as-yet fruitless endeavor (well, not the fruit I'm looking for, anyway...).

I don't know why I never considered the glamorous and obviously lucrative career of men's crotch photographer...where did mom go wrong?

¡Hola!

Tue, 02 Dec 2003 21:34:27 GMT

¿'Cómo has hecho', tú dices?

Bien. ¿Y tú?

Escucho a mi disco compacto nuevo (¡nueva a mí!)...tomó muchos años sustituirlo después que se robó...pero es bien.

Heh. Me gusta hablar español...¡por eso es mi especialidad!

I wonder what a translator makes of that...hmmm, pretty close...

You don't think I just now decided to look up Spanish characters, do you? 'Cause you're way off, buddy...way off...

Fri, 21 Nov 2003 18:27:43 GMT

In a world where quotes by such victims of Cranial Rectumitis* as Michael Dukakis and Jermaine Jackson are considered newsworthy, it's like a breath of fresh air to see:

Python Swallows Bangladeshi Woman

Poor python. Just tryin' to get his grub on.

*Cranial Rectumitis = Head Stuck up the Ass

Oooooh!

Fri, 26 Sep 2003 14:15:45 GMT

I knew this site was bookmarked for a reason...

“The Poles are pretty clearly the historical aggressors in the Middle Europe,” asserted Prell, a 29-year-old protestor from Fresno who last year capped a remarkable 10 year undergraduate run by collecting a B.A. in some social science he can’t remember. “For the 58 days that I have been closely following this crisis, the Poles have been in the position of occupying force.”

Polish efforts to win support in the EU Security Council for a resolution condemning the understandable German actions in stemming from legitimate root causes were stymied by a coalition led by France. “I don’t know,” said the French representative. “Collaborating with Germans just feels right.”

“If the Germans hate them, that’s always been good enough for us,” concurred a third-world dictator’s coat holder via satellite telephone. “The Poles are oppressing the people on occupied territory.”

“We’re not getting involved,” said Sweden’s ambassador in Warsaw, “except maybe to selectively posture about human rights or to profitably keep the Germans awash in iron ore.”

On the news program “Vannity & Doans,” a high-school dropout Hollywood actress demanded, “Poland must withdraw from the illegally conquered lands, abandon its imperialist policies, and respect the legitimate territorial aspirations of the peaceful German people. That is the only way to guarantee peace.”

Tee-hee.

“German aspirations in the region are realistic,” added Johan Turleywiliger, a legal scholar with no relevant background whatsoever but who likes appearing on TV. “Because, I mean, the USSR was the creator and guarantor of the disputed Oder-Niesse frontier, and where are they now?”

Turleywiliger’s remarks caused a kerfuffle in Moscow. Fumed a spokesman for President Vladimir Putin: “Who do these people think we are, the U.S.?”

Okay, so I included most of the derned thing. Bugger off.

Old Boomstick

Fri, 19 Sep 2003 14:59:01 GMT

My grandfather's Browning is from before 1939...I'm gonna call their historian to find out any specifics they may have for it...

I'm going to go be tested, now. Me esperan buena suerte. Gracias.

To knock or not to knock.

Wed, 17 Sep 2003 12:51:21 GMT

So, everyone's favorite Ludwig spent the night on the couch last night, constantly flinging Phil from atop his sleeping carcass. Why, you ask, was Ludwig in The Doghouse?

I was locked out of my bedroom. I went out to study for a Spanish test, after vacuuming and flea-spraying (AGAIN), 'till midnight. Her hood was hot, she'd been home less than an hour...I feed the cat, perform ablutions, and the door is locked. She has intruder paranoias and apparently having the chintzy door knob lock engaged helps her feel secure, so I lock it when I come in last and vice versa. Oops.

Also, when I study late, I'm often the last one to bed. When the SO is awakened by my arrival in the night, she is not a happy camper (never mind my James Bond ninja-style antics I employ in an attempt to avert this catastrophe). So, pound on the door to wake her (which I figure should do wonders with the intruder paranoia) or sleep on the couch.

Now, my question to you is this: being that the door-locking was ostensibly an accident (it was; i.e. if we'd had some sort of argument and I had reason to think the door had been locked out of spite, I'd damn sure have pounded), would you have considerately bunked with the cat (who is kept out of the bedroom, thanks to his tendency to walk on heads) or indignantly awakened the SO?

Damn skippy!

Mon, 15 Sep 2003 19:35:27 GMT

Heatley Stokes Playoff Hopes

Heh. We're coming. If there's one thing that I don't have, that I can't afford, either monetarily or temporally, it is the opportunity to see more games, show more support for such a great team. Granted, it's easy to be spoilt, what with Turner South and UPN combining to broadcast some 53 (of 86) games, but still... Hockey is such a great sport to see live. If I lived in Atlanta (i.e. if it wasn't a 2-hour round trip for me), I would sell a kidney (didn't commander_zero need one?) to buy season tickets.

Oh well. Go team! Heatley, Kovalchuk, Lehtonen, Dafoe, Nurminen, Frasier, Stefan, Koslov, McEachern, Odgers, Sutton...they'll get you, my pretties...and yer little hockey team, too!!!

Mile markers recently passed:

Mon, 15 Sep 2003 18:40:09 GMT

Ha! I think I'll start acknowledging Martian days and years as my official standard...I would totally have time to do everything, then...especially if I still only worked 8 hours a day...hehe...of course, I'd die an awfully young man...:/

Too much happens and I write too little.

Competetive Edge
Half of my team jumped ship immediately after our winning the championship. I hate drama. I live my live opposition to and in calculated avoidance of drama. And yet it finds me. (sigh) So, I've recruited, including bringing in one friend I always meant to, one with whom I used to shoot a lot downtown on bar tables (before joining the league). Luckily, our team will still retain its qualification to play in the City Cup (which, upon winning, will mean that we are headed to Las Vegas), so all is not really lost. It's a new team. It'll be interesting. And good.

Shooty Goodness (tm)
My mom brought me the shotgun I left in Alabama when last I was there. I need to unravel the electrical tape at the front of the stock to see just what's going on there...and invest in some good cleaning supplies. And ammo. Heh.

I have tons of pictures on the digicam I got awhile back. Need to get a bunch more, but most of all, I need to get to upload'n.

Ooh, I just remembered I need to check my grade on the test I killed myself preparing for all last week...hangonaminute...grrr, test was on Thursday and grades aren't up yet...lazy TA's...

Mopar Madness
I spent Saturday preparing the Duster for its imminent heart transplant!!! I flushed the brake system and got the brakes feeling good and firm (!!!)...and FOUND OUT THE AIR SHOCKS STILL HOLD AIR!!! Hey, this only saves me some aggravation and $50 or so at the worst, but still...I like to nuzzle the gift horses and proffer sugar cubes. Oh, dropped the gas tank, too, dumped out a few gallons of what could best be described as varnish that was only slightly still flammable, put some nasty solution in the bottom of the tank to dissolve any deposits, and am letting it soak all week.

By the way, the Duster is a 1972 Plymouth Duster (my 3rd) that has sat for roughly 5 years now (which itself is a long story I haven't had the nerve to really contemplate, myself), so there're a few t's to cross and i's to dot before I drop in a badass engine and just fly off into the sunset...fortunately, those are all done now, and all systems are go for Stricker to use some free time in his wrecker to bring it back over to my parents' house, where the 'new' motor is waiting patiently. All of this means that this weekend promises to be the dirtiest, greasiest (but most productive!) ordeal for me in quite some time!

Edit: Cut, for your pleasure

Edit 2: Hacked by inferred request

We are the Champions.

Thu, 04 Sep 2003 13:41:42 GMT

APA* Summer Session 2003 Division Cup winners, that is. Thanks to yours truly, late last night, my team won the uber trophy, baby trophies, shirts, $100 to split and qualified to play in the next City Cup, the winner of which is taken to Vegas for the Uber tournament.

We play 5 matches (5 players from team A play 5 players from team B). We were playing the #1 team this session. It was tied 2-2 when I was called upon. This time, I did not disappoint.

I have 4 checks to cash and need to get to my bank and need to pay bills (one of which needs to be paid in person). I have zero time for any of this. I still haven't gotten my hair cut, because I just don't have the time! Grr! If I wasn't going to donate it, I could just go wherever whenever, but noooooo...

Heh. Best friend apparently came through with a handle for the spotlight on my cop car...cool...of course, now I'm wanting a 5-speed turbo car (Omni GLHT, Daytona, another LeBaron, Lancer, or Shelby Z, CSX or GLHS) to drive for economy and fun when the Duster is on the road. Hmm...

I should really be reading a textbook right now if I'm going to be sitting here not doing the tiny bit of work we have right now...really.

Bye.

* American Poolplayers Association

Tue, 02 Sep 2003 13:28:38 GMT

I haven't sat in front of a computer for one week. Needless to say, I've missed a bit. My grandfather died last Tuesday. A great and wonderful man was lost by the world, and there's a tiny town in Alabama that knows it. This is going to turn into some kind of memorial or eulogy if I don't shut up. I'm really glad I got to know him for a little while at least (almost 2 years).

I guess I'll try to catch up on what I've missed. I don't want to be back at work. My supervisor's out, so the other 1.5 women in my part of the office are kibbitzing instead of working (such a surprise!), so I guess I should get some done.

I'd like to live in that small town, where I have a lot of simple, honest, wonderful family.

I wouldn't be able to go to school. I don't know if I care about being in school, since I'm not doing it to "get a job" or "make more money". You can rent a house there for $250/month. You have to commute 35 miles to work, but heck, I moved here from Atlanta, where a 10 mile commute will commonly take 1-1.5 hours.

360 is built for Duster. Installation, body work, and paint soon to follow. I think I'll sell the cop car and get a 5-speed turbo car for good mileage running to Atlanta all the time, and drive the Duster to work and such...show all these Hondaboys(tm) a little something... My friend Stricker also said I could have a motorcycle he has that needs some work...'77 Honda CB550K. Maybe when work on the Duster is not so necessary.

Have a shotgun, now. Pretty neat, really. Browning 12-gauge automatic. Of course, I left it leaning against a wall when I packed up all the bags when we left on Sunday, so I'll get it when next my mother goes down to AL to take care of further arrangements.

Sheesh...

Thu, 14 Aug 2003 13:58:48 GMT

You sure are some prolific boogers (well, you and the others who don't see fit to notice my ~~intermittent~~ ~~occasional~~ rare ramblings...).

It'll take me till the end of my free time tomorrow (at least!) to catch up on the ten+ pages of stuff I've missed out on!!! Geez...ya leave for five measley days...

(/grumping)

I been slandered...libelled...I hear words I never heard in the bible..